It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is. When ideas fail, words come in very handy. The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault. When you gaze long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you. If you are going through hell, keep going. Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains. The great thing about television is that if something important happens anywhere in the world, day or night, you can always change the channel. The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstances. We have art to save ourselves from the truth. Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down. I'll sleep when I'm dead. People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid. Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working. This book fills a much-needed gap. Sleep is an excellent way of listening to an opera. While we are postponing, life speeds by. Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time. I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life, and the labors of life reduce themselves. A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship. It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts. The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows. No matter what looms ahead, if you can eat today, enjoy today, mix good cheer with friends today enjoy it and bless God for it. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. Hatch a dream and then believe it. When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves. Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. The full use of your powers along lines of excellence. If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself. Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. A clever man commits no minor blunders. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. It's kind of fun to do the impossible. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy. I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure -- hooking up with fat, hairy girls. Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. Of cheerfulness, or a good temper - the more it is spent, the more of it remains. From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. Luck is the residue of design. A clever man commits no minor blunders. Love takes up where knowledge leaves off. Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. If you are going through hell, keep going. Wit is educated insolence. Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. I would like to believe when I die that I have given myself away like a tree that sows seed every spring and never counts the loss, because it is not loss, it is adding to future life It is the tree's way of being. Strongly rooted perhaps, but spilling out its treasure on the wind. Too often we give our children answers to remember rather than problems to solve. All right, Brain, I don't like you and you don't like me -- so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both. Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back. If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. No dictator, no invader, can hold an imprisoned population by force of arms forever. There is no greater power in the universe than the need for freedom. Against that power, governments and tyrants and armies cannot stand.
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