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A comedic book has just been released!

From: cosmo
Subject: A comedic book has just been released!
Date: 26 Nov 2002 21:44:59 -0500


About the book

As online dating becomes more popular and widely practiced, few remember or 
are aware of the early days. Cosmo Fox takes you back to the early online 
dating days where profiles were vague and pictures were scarce. Dating 
online back in the early to mid ‘90’s was about as predictable as a Tyson 
boxing match. You didn’t know what was going to happen when you showed up. 
Enclosed and bound in this book are twenty true tales that will leave you 
laughing hysterically. Every paragraph is chock full of fun filled 
excitement for the whole family. Cosmo gives tips on relationships and 
guides you through the pitfalls and hazards of blind dates and finding love 
on the Internet. 


Before I dive into this story let’s paint a scenario. You are a woman that 
is forty plus in age and you would like to date younger men. There is 
nothing wrong with this, stay young Miss Thing, work your magic. Shake it 
like it’s the thing to do. There is only one rule with this. You can’t 
trick younger men into trying to date you. Just be honest, put your real 
age on your profile and there are plenty of younger men out there who like 
older women and will see your profile and contact you. Putting down that 
you are thirty or younger so you can get into that profile search of 
thirty-nine and under just so you can squeeze yourself into young mens’ 
searches is wrong. Just put your real age and young men that like to date 
older women will track you down - trust me. I would also make this 
recommendation for older men but I know the old bastards wouldn’t listen to 
me. Rumplestiltsken, open up your little troll heart and mind to new ideas 
and reality. Women are more reasonable and if I explain it to them 
rationally, I know they will listen. Trying to convince an old man that he 
is over the hill and little Miss Hottie REALLY doesn’t want to have 
anything to do with him goes right through his left ear, hops over his pea 
brain and jumps right through the right ear. I am not even going to waste 
my time pimp daddy plaid pants. I know it happens constantly everyday and 
I’ve heard it a zillion times from women that I’ve dated from online. They 
all have stories of how some guy that was so old he sat behind Moses in the 
third grade, emailed them and wanted to take them out. I met a woman at a 
party and asked her to meet me for a first date at a coffee shop. I get to 
the coffee shop and there is a 79-year-old man ALL OVER this girl that I am 
meeting. I walk in, and literally he is right in the middle of inviting her 
(and he is very serious - you know how old people are, they are sincere 
about everything) to go and meet him on a nude beach in San Diego (Blacks 
Beach) and he wants to show her his “etchings.” Huh??? Beat it Father Time! 
Before I call the retirement home and tell that beefy nurse that runs the 
place that you are violating curfew.

I’m living in San Francisco. This woman emailed me and wanted to chat by 
phone right away. Could be a bad sign. So I give her my number and within 
three minutes of the conversation she is talking about what undergarments 
she is wearing. And she thought I wanted to know because? I agree to have 
dinner with her the next day at an Indian restaurant. I was on my guard 
because this is the first time I have ever talked to a woman and all she 
talked about was s$x. Very unusual for a woman, a lot of men may just eat 
that up, but let me tell you, if a woman is talking a bunch of s$x within 
the first five minutes of talking with her, beware. The restaurant is 
supposed to be the best Indian restaurant in the city. After I hang up, I 
check out the profile again … ok, she’s 32, young professional, no picture 
(as usual) but she looks ok on paper.
First, we agree to meet at Starbucks before we go to the Indian restaurant. 
She described herself as blonde and short. I see a blonde, short woman walk 
into Starbucks. She looks a little older than 32, but hey, people have told 
me that I look older than my age. Belinda introduces herself and we walk 
over to the Indian restaurant. The very first thing out of her mouth is 
“Ok, I need to tell you something.”
Remember, if you meet an online date, and the very first thing out their 
mouth is “I need to tell you something,” stand up, politely excuse 
yourself, walk out the front door, get in your car and drive away quickly 
(screaming is optional). So, me being dumb and naïve, I say, “What?” She 
says, “I put in my profile that I was 32, but ACTUALLY I am 42.”

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