Re: Windows 7 Better - Top 10 Anti-Linux Reasons

[Aragorn]

On Sunday 18 October 2009 01:04 in alt.os.linux, somebody identifying as
Steve Ballmer P0wnz! wrote...
 
> Hi, I'm Steve Ballmer P0wns here to tell you about why Windows 7 kicks
> Loonix's ass:
> 
> 1. Windows 7 is latest version 7. Liloxx is still at version 2.6
> because it's to old.

LILO isn't used all that much anymore - most people now prefer GRUB
because it offers more possibilities, although there are some ways in
which LILO can be more useful than GRUB.  I wouldn't know what version
LILO is at by the way. :p

> 2. Pakistan, China, Libya, North Korea, Hitler, and the Legion of Doom
> are all working on Red Veil AllahCore Nazian SatanWare Linssux. All of
> them are terrorists from 9/11.

Don't forget Barack Obama, who runs his website on GNU/Linux.  Hillary
ran hers on Wintendo, but then again she's a Bilderberger, like Bill &
Melinda Gates, so I guess she got a discount at the purchase of her
Wintendo Advanced Screwdriver Edition. :p

> 3. Loin-ux is a grave sin because it robs companies who God blessed
> with the right to life, liberty, and intellectual property. Loinux
> pirates who trade DVD MP3 files in Somalia are going to hell.

I thought Somalia *was* hell? :p

> 4. Windows 7 has all these awesome slideshows and videocams. Linnisex
> videocams are all in ASCII art DOS mode.

"DOS-mode" is a misnomer, I'm afraid.  Wintendo is actually an advanced
version of DOS.  PenguinOS is a Yoonix, and Yoonix is way older than
DOS.

> How do you jack off to your moms ASCII titties?

I'm not sure, but I think it might still be possible.  For expert advice
in that matter, I would recommend having a friendly chat - bring your
best shotgun and at least one bulletproof vest! - with Sidney
Lambe/Alan Connor about that subject.  I think he may have some
experience at that, and if you ask him really nicely, then he may tell
you.  Or else he may tell you that he knows but that he's not going to
tell you, because we are all one and the same person with different
pseudonyms and all that. :p

> There is that GTK ASCII slideshow program, but it's not as cool as
> Microsoft Office, because it eggfaults to shitdump all the time. And
> you can only burn slideshows to pirated blank DVDs, not regular blank
> DVDs. 

Damn, pirated blank DVDs...  I tried to get my hands on those, but the
pirates wouldn't give them to me.  They said I should talk to the
Flying Spaghetti Monster first. :-/

> 5. I wanted to play Guitar Hero on Loonsuxx0r and because it's only
> compatible with Windows 7, I got so pissed off, smashing my guitar
> controller because I couldn't play along with AC/DC. I tried suing
> Lenuux but the GPL had an evil arbitration clause, so I have to sue
> AC/DC instead for ruining my blood pressure.

Guitar Hero?  N00b!  I play *real* guitars! :p

> 6. This Fire-Red-Sox is crap because Mikersoft New York Yankee
> Explorer doesn't work on Loonsuck.

There is a way to make it work though, but it involves a bottle of wine
or something.  You can also make Outbreak Exploit run that way.

> 7. My Steve Ballmer & Bill Gates XXX Nude Pic Access doesn't work
> because you need Mikersoft Access to view them.

Well, I don't really have any experience with that since I'm openly
heterosexual, but have you tried Godzilla Thunderfox?

> 8. LoinSuxTux requires a 286.

No, an i386. ;-)

> Thats old. Mikersoft Windows requires 9 jizzabytes processor and 2
> gabillion-hertz RAM disk drive. That's because Mikersoft kicks Lixxit
> ass anyday and it needs more Jizz-O-Hert to kick Loonix's ass.

But what if it doesn't get its hands on any of that anymore?  See,
that's a liability factor. :p

> 9. Loinux doesn't work with my crappy joystick, so now I can't access
> the e-mails.

I don't use joysticks anymore to access my e-mails - man, you are so
behind on modern technology that it's unbelievable.  Who the hell still
uses a joystick to access e-mails?  Geez, save up some of that money
you otherwise spend on ASCII art pr0n and get yourself a decent VR
suit!  N00b! :p

> 10. Loinsex has no virus or spy programs. How can you trust a computer
> without McAfee Virus and Norton Viruses?

Okay, that's a good question, I have to admit it.  I guess it takes a
lot of dedication to trust something so secure and deny those two
virusmaking companies the drain of your hard-saved cash.

> That's the top 10 reasons to buy Windows 7!

Nah, just think of that cash you save on Loonix so you can buy more
ASCII art pr0n of your mother's titties, and then save some for your
sister's titties too!

> And remember, Steve Ballmer, the leader of the Mikersoft club,
> P0wns!!!

Yeah, monkeys are cool.  They descend from us, you know.  I've always
said that one days monkeys will rule the world.  Hell, Charlton Heston
even proved that in the 1960s!

:-)

-- 
*Aragorn*
(registered GNU/Linux user #223157)